I felt called to go to Madeira, a lush island, and experience the island adventure. My dream of living in an island for a time period was drawn in my vision board for a while now. It felt good to take that leap to make my island dream a reality.
My plan was to live on a beautiful island, write my book, meditate and connect with nature, but being here, I am realizing I wanted Madeira to be the solution to a lot of my problems too.
Nature has been my happy place. The plants, flowers, trees fill me with more life. I had a picture in my head of me jogging by the beach, soaking in the sun. Madeira seemed ideal. Despite not being here before, it somehow still felt like it would be ideal.
Is anything ever ideal though? Everything has it's good and bad. It is your way of looking at the world that adds more joy or sorrow to it.
Madeira has black sand and a lot of pebbles. Having been to many beautiful Portuguese beaches, I was a bit surprised. The weather, though still much better than England, has been not the best for an island. The wind has been strong, the sky cloudy, and the weather forecast filled with rain (which is really good for the plants and the water reservoirs). Not so good for the hiking trips though. Yet, I feel happy about the rain because the soil here absorbs the water and stores it for a long time. That is one of the reasons why the plants here are special, so green and alive.
A part of me was looking at Madeira as an escape from the hardships and heartbreaks. I needed a long break from a worn-out year filled with disagreements with loved ones, constant standing up for myself, creating boundaries, encountering disappointments, and frustrations. The lack of sun in England and Covid restrictions certainly did not help. The problem with trying to escape, as I have always known, is that your problems continue to follow you wherever you go.
Being in Madiera allowed me to hear myself think. I don't mean it at just a surface level. It helped me go further than one layer of my thoughts. It is something that comes with meditating after a while, and it is something that gets lost, forgotten when we overthink. Although this is an ongoing process, I needed to feel it again, to get more than a glimpse of it.
Connecting with my spiritual side has been the answer to bring me back to life, to me.
Without it, I am lost in the sea of people looking for meaning, purpose, hope. The lack of which fills me with a void that constantly needs filling.
The lack of which feels me with doubt, helplessness, and disheartenment.
We do our best to fill the void in us, but when it is filled with the wrong things, it ends up backfiring, making our situations worse. When the void is filled with the right things, the feeling of emptiness is replaced with fulfillment, satisfaction, and joy.
It is not where I go, it is what I carry with me. At all times. Inside me.
My home, my Madiera that I was looking for, is already inside me and has been in me for a long, long time now. I can use certain places to tap into it, but it is not the place that is bringing it to me, it is me bringing it to me.
I needed to remember and come back to this knowing.
So, no matter where life takes me next, I just have to remember to carry my Madeira with me.
Reflective Questions
What is your ideal life?
What are you running away from?
What are you filling the inner void with?
When was the last time you felt truly happy?
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