Have you experienced this ugly, nagging feeling…
When you see someone do really well in their career while you are either at the beginning stage of your career or have encountered many setbacks?
When you see someone having the money you have always dreamt of having while you are struggling to get to get by?
When you see someone being praised for something you wish you could have….
Or when someone has the social, love life that seems so ideal, while your social/ love life seems like a far cry from their reality…..
At some point in life, most of us experience this feeling. Sometimes it’s felt towards a friend, family, or a ‘rival.’
This feeling is often referred to as jealousy or envy.
Contrary to what we may feel about it, I don't think it is not wrong to feel this way. Or to feel anything.
We feel what we feel, but what makes a difference is what you do with the feeling.
As Kristen Neff says in Self-compassion: You might sometimes feel like banging your head in frustration, but if you choose to actually bang your head in frustration, it might actually hurt, cause you to lose some brain cells, etc. Or you acknowledge your frustration, work through it and move past it.
But what do you do when you feel this emotion of jealousy, or envy?
Do you choose to extract some form of ‘revenge?’ Perhaps get back to this person somehow, with words or actions, so they too feel inferior?
Do you choose to be resentful or bitter?
I used to put myself down and label myself as ‘not good enough,’ ‘lacking,’ ‘inadequate’ when I experienced jealousy. Having worked on my inner critic, I can now see the situation differently.
If any of this is something you connect with, have you perhaps considered an alternative perspective?
I call this the ‘We are one’ mentality. Rather than thinking of the other person as a rival, competitor; think of them as a part of you.
Or you as a part of a whole.
Just like how a human body needs all the different organs to function, so are the various roles and skills of human beings needed. Everyone has a role to play, though some people’s role may seem more vital than others.
Just like the heart has its own function, the lungs have a separate, just as important function. The failure of which, results in an end of human life. A heart cannot look at lungs and think that lungs are so much more important, because you need both for a human body to run. Even a vein being broken in our body can result in death. Most often, we don’t see how valuable even one vein in our body is, and its role in keeping us alive.
The same principle is true for human beings. You need a variety of people in the world, running a variety of different paths.
When you see someone succeeding, or having the life that you want, you can choose to think of it as your chance to sample the dream. Seeing someone else live the life you want, could give you a good vision of what that life could entail for you.
We all have our journeys in life, and no two journeys can ever be the same.
Everyone has their own struggles, difficulties in life.
Choose to be happy for someone else, because it is a wonderful thing to find and have what your heart desires.
And if the desire is true and genuine, you will too.
Reflective Questions
How do you deal with thoughts of jealousy and envy?
How does the comparison culture of this world affect you?
Which area of your life do you think you are ‘falling behind on,’ by the world’s standard, if any? And what advice would you give yourself to keep on going?
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